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Nader’s Ego Enters 2008 Race
Massive Ego Fills Madison Square Garden

The field of presidential candidates got a little more crowded today as the massive ego of consumer activist Ralph Nader announced that it was entering the 2008 race.

For its historic announcement, Mr. Nader’s ego chose New York’s Madison Square Garden, the only venue available large enough to contain the candidate’s bloated self-esteem.

After being loaded into the Garden’s freight elevator and wheeled out onto the stage, Mr. Nader’s ego said the words that its faithful had been waiting to hear.

“This gigantic ego has sat on the sidelines long enough and watched others’ egos get all of the attention!” the candidate’s ego roared.

Mr. Nader’s ego went on to enumerate the reasons for its latest candidacy, telling the audience, “I want to see an America where I am on campaign buttons, banners, and Larry King Live.”

His ego added that it hoped to fill what it saw as a void in the 2008 campaign: “There is no other narcissistic whackjob in the race, unless you count Kucinich.”

The consumer activist’s bloated ego received rave reviews from those in attendance, many of whom had fond memories of Mr. Nader’s successful bid to wreck the 2000 presidential race.

“It was great to see that ego back on stage,” said Nader supporter Ralph Nader, 73. “Finally, a candidate who speaks for me.”

Others echoed that sentiment, including Nader supporter Ralph Nader, 73: “I couldn’t believe how handsome he was.”

Elsewhere, in a serious setback for former Florida governor Jeb Bush, new research finds that the eldest children in families tend to have higher I.Q.’s than their younger siblings.