I went to a script reading a week ago in Seattle. Brian MacDonald was the runner up in a Washington script competition. I like Brian. He’s a pretty smart guy. One of the major features of the script was reincarnation. I sat through the reading thinking about the use of reincarnation as a dramatic tool.
The Q & A session was me and a crowd of people who all seemed to believe in reincarnation. All I could think of was ‘woo’. Not film woo, or John Woo, but James Randi woo. For a skeptic like me, it was like being in an audience of people who think that animation is real. For them, there really is a Bugs Bunny.
Woo is all around us. There are people who believe in things that are not real because it makes the world easier to take. A good friend, John Haylock, once told me that the first priest happened when a man was pointing his finger at a tree when lightning struck it. He then pointed his finger at people and said “I’ll do the same thing to you unless you give me food, money and virgins.” Religion is the cross product of narrative and trying to explain things that are beyond human explanation.
While I am a skeptic, things do happen that are not probable. On December 23, 1986, I drove from San Jose down to Edwards Air Force base to watch the landing of the Rutan Voyager. This plane had flown around the world without refueling. As I walked across from my truck to the landing site, one of thousands who had trekked to the desert to see the landing, I noticed a woman walking with her son. I had never seen this woman before. But I asked her if she was the sister of Gail Hicks. I don’t know why I would think that she was the sister of a woman I knew slightly. She certainly didn’t look like Gail Hicks. But she was Gail’s sister. Gail Hicks was in a progamming class I took at De Anza College. I never socialized with her, but used to see her at De Anza. She was a musician and taught piano in addition to programming computers. We would exchange pleasantries, but that was the limit of our interaction. How did I know that this other woman was her sister? I don’t know. But I had a feeling that was overwhelming. I can’t explain this. It is irrational. There is no explanation for it.
But then there is woo that reeks of desperation. John Hagee is a preacher from Texas. He is a businessman first, and his business is religion. When I watch him on television, I am reminded of the characters drawn by Don Martin in Mad magazine. All he has to say is “Dawk” and the picture would be complete.
John Hagee was on the Glenn Beck show (Glenn Beck may not look the part of a Don Martin character, but he has the ‘Dawk’ part down pat) and this exchange took place:
BECK: Let me ask you one of the most — you were on, I don`t know, four or five days ago on the show for a quick segment, and you had mentioned that America`s not in the Bible in the End Days.
HAGEE: Yes.
BECK: It doesn`t play a significant role. E-mail went crazy on this. Why is America not in the Bible? Then it can`t be the End Times. How could we possibly not play a role in the End Days?
HAGEE: America`s not in the Bible, because of these things. One, we are a brand new country. When the Bible was written, God knew that we would be and only refers to us as the young lions of Sheba and Dedan. Now, we came out of England. England has the symbol of the lion. We also — we came from England. So, therefore, we, by stretch, could say that`s referring to us.
Does America have a prominent place in prophecy? Absolutely not. Why? Does that mean that we have a Democratic administration and that there`s a war in the Middle East? Listen. There`s a war in the Middle East, and they say, “We`re not going back for any reason.”
There are crazy people in America. Hagee and Beck are among their number. What the hell does that last exchange mean? I don’t know. Earlier in the segment, a clip of Hagee saying this was played:
HAGEE: Ladies and gentlemen, the radical Islamic army is not coming to America. It`s here. With Iran`s nuclear power and Russia`s support of Iran, Iran intends to attack Israel and America.
The radical Islamic army is here? They must be like that ninja army that I’ve seen in the movies, hiding in plain site.
Hagee is an evangelist. In that capacity, he tries to scare the hell out of people. Literally. Repent, or you are going to hell. Okay, maybe trying to scare people out of hell. But he has turned it into a business. He makes over a million dollars a year as the head of John Hagee ministries. His appearance on Beck’s show was just a branding exercise. He isn’t trying to scare people out of hell anymore, he is trying to scare people into church so he can get 10% of their earnings. It’s like God has an literary agent. Does God take a meeting with these guys? Does God have a branding strategy? “My Catholic brand isn’t doing so well these days, we had a problem in the sales department with little boys, but my crazy Protestant brand is doing okay.”
I’m not a Christian these days, but the thought of having to spend life in hell with John Hagee is almost enough to make me repent.