Change happens. Sometimes it happens when you expect it sometimes not. Sometimes it happens even when you thought it never would. Obama getting elected was something that I thought would never happen. DADT ending is another.
When I was a soldier, I wouldn’t say that I was homophobic, but it was close for me. I started to write stories here about what I knew about homosexuality in the Army, but I don’t think I could cover the topic well in the amount of time I have to write this.
This article this morning is what prompted this post. A lieutenant colonel in a combat arms unit is gay. For those who don’t know what that means, this is a guy who has been at the top of his promotional group for a long time. He is a top soldier. He is probably a battalion commander. There are not that many battalions to command in the combat arms, and he commands one of them. Most officers will not get the opportunity to command a battalion in the combat arms. He wrote this:
I deeply believe that America is fighting the right fight in Afghanistan. I believe in this battle against our enemies. And, I believe that the US Army is the single greatest force for good the world has ever known.
But I want to tell the guys I eat lunch with every day about my partner. After all, these are the guys I risk my life with—the guys who think they know me. I can tell you every detail of how each of them met their wives; how one of them still feels guilty about an affair he never had, but thought about; how one of them cried so hard the day his son was born.
Yet they don’t know much about my life, except the most superficial details. Over the years, I have become good at evading and changing subjects artfully. To slip up—using the wrong pronoun when describing whom I was with during R&R, or mentioning who I talked to on Skype last night—is no longer something I worry about. I have become so good at this lying game it eats at my soul.
I have tried to come to grips with the military and how it relates to a free society and I think he nails it. I signed up because I wanted to be part of that force for good. So did he. And it has cost him.
In my own life, my partner has none of the privileges of a spouse. We have weathered three long deployments like any other couple might. But should I die in the line of duty, my partner would get no support from any official channels. He would be notified after my brother who is listed as my legal next of kin.
My partner and I have happily accepted my various assignments because we’re truly committed to the army, its soldiers and their families. But after our ten years together, my partner has earned the right to be told first about my death. He has earned the right to make my health emergency decisions. And, he has earned the right to be recognized for his sacrifices just as any other spouse.
I don’t think I am as homophobic as I once was. Some of my friends may be gay, I don’t know.
It looks like President Obama is going to end DADT, and that is a good thing.