At a party recently, I discovered that I was one of the few men who read advice columns. Most of the women read multiple columns, most of the men did not. I started to read them when I got divorced, trying to figure out what happened. What happened is a different story, not to be repeated here where the kids can read it.
I had referenced something from Carolyn Hax before, here, and she ran something from one of her readers that I thought was pretty good.
While I’m away, readers give the advice.
On living together before marriage:
So often I observe — when a young couple has been living together — one partner is far more interested in marriage than the other, but they are both too insecure to break up after investing several years in the relationship. (Not to mention the daunting task of disentangling their finances, furniture, pets, etc.)
The years they lived together were the years they coulda/shoulda been independent: learning to know themselves, to stand on their own two feet and meet other people. I find it heartbreaking to perform these weddings, but haven’t had a lot of luck talking couples out of them.
Bottom line: The lack of courage and money to live independently gives birth to a lot of short-term marriages. Having comfort and companionship like marriage, without the commitment, short-circuits a lot of growing up.
– The Reverend Mrs. E.
This is the bit I mentioned at the party, and while the guys didn’t read the stuff, they all agreed with it. As a divorced parent of small children, I often wonder what paths they will take in life. I want them to think that being a partner, being married, having a family is a good thing and fulfilling. Too many children of divorce bounce around a lot before figuring those things out. I don’t know if that is just the way these things work, but my hope for them is an opportunity for happiness.